I Will Live As An Actor - Chapter 103
I Will Live as an Actor Episode 103
Past Life This is the moment I dreamed of so much while working as an actor. Although I devoted my entire life to acting, I have mixed feelings about the position I never achieved. If actor Kim Hyeong-seop hadn’t grabbed his shoulder and lifted him up, he might have still been sitting.
Putting aside my confusion, I shake hands with the previous year’s winner. With the spotlight shining down, the cheers of fans and the applause of actors awaken one’s thoughts.
“First, director Shin Seong-hyeon, who directed the film Confessions of a Priest, and then the cinematographer who always helped me…”
He recites the names of the staff, including director Shin Seong-hyun, who held the megaphone. And even the names of the actors who performed passionately together. Even the fans who cherished and watched his movies.
However, this is not the acceptance speech I practiced until I stayed up all night. The only one who is still looking at your son with tears in his eyes.
“There are other people I am very thankful for, but for the sake of time, I will tell you about the person I desperately want to see right now. He is probably looking at me with eyes that are even brighter than my red eyes right now.”
mother.
“My mother is a very worried person. On a rainy day in a shanty town where telephone poles are tangled like a spider’s web, the small room might collapse. She drags her son out of fear that he will be scared among the cockroaches playing between the moldy wallpaper and the rats stealing and eating the millet. You were also scared and tired, but you didn’t even show it and opened the fish stall every morning at dawn. You were the only reason why my mother, who had never run a business, worked so hard, sleeping in a private room. “It was because of my missing son.”
The sea breeze made her white skin dry, and her back must have been the weight of her son as she constantly bent down to spread out the fish stall. The reason why my voice, which had been as sweet as a jade ball, was damaged was probably because my mother, who could not say anything harsh in front of others, worked hard to set up the stall.
“My mother’s face was always full of worry. She wondered if her young son would have a hard time living in Tokyo. Even when he was selling fish in the harsh wind on the street when he was young, it was always like that. Your son will not be able to survive this cold storm. “I don’t want to make it right. Even now, you’re probably watching TV and worried. I might make a mistake here.”
My mother arrived in Seoul on the early morning train, skipping meals every time. Always holding both hands full of my son’s favorite food. The mother’s words to her son were always the same. Why are you so thin? I would look at her with a mother’s concern deeper than time and ask.
“Mother and son, I’m doing well in Seoul. I have a lot of fans who love me as much as I do now, and my fellow actors are all good people. And I even won an award today. It’s the best award. So don’t worry too much anymore.”
At this moment, I want to tell you that your son has grown so much. They say you should stop putting the weight of your thin body on your son’s shoulders. so.
“mother.”
When I was young, I stand on the coastal cliff and repeat what I could not say to my mother.
“i love you.”
* * *
The mother sheds endless tears as she looks at her son in the picture tube. When did the child who was around my waist grow up so much? The sight of your son holding up the award plaque and telling you that he loves you makes your hands tremble slightly. Seeing that, Lady Yang quickly wraps her arms around her shoulders.
“I miss you, England. On this beautiful day. Look at how beautiful you are. Even England is crying. Now, I thought England was tough in its own way, but now it looks the same as before. It’s still soft.”
“I’m crying because I’m happy.”
“Yes, it’s okay to shed a few tears on a day like today! But those furry little girls are such a drag. It’s disgusting! Why don’t you act like a fool and bring some tissues quickly!”
The men who were drinking soju in the merchant association building were all wiping away tears. After all, wasn’t he the child that everyone regarded as their own child? Port Bay has many stories. Among them, there was no one who did not know the story of how the British mother and son lived. Suddenly, a white handkerchief is handed to me.
“Hurry and clean it with this.”
This is Mr. Kim from the side dish store. It is a white and immaculate handkerchief that is said to have come after giving up city life. The British mother is Kim, who hesitates but briefly nods as if she is okay. In the end, he said thank you and accepted the white handkerchief.
“I’m going to go out here for a little while and get some sea breeze and cool my mind.”
Perhaps they were worried that because of me, the party-like atmosphere would turn into a sea of tears. Mrs. Yang knows how she feels, so she stands up and pats her on the back, leaving only a message telling her not to go too far. The sound of waves crashing against the breakwater fills my heart.
The night sea seems to remain silent, with only undulating waves appearing and then disappearing. The light of the fishing light shines sparsely like stars in the night sky, and the single beam of light from the lighthouse illuminates the night sea, but the person I wanted to see so much cannot be found. In the end, England’s mother asks while sitting on the dock.
“England, dad.”
This is a word that has never been uttered out loud for the past several years. Isn’t this a word that I wanted to shout out countless times as if it were stuck in my heart? However, the moment I spit out the longing that had built up to the tip of my chin, I was afraid that it would turn into sadness and I couldn’t shout out. The sea that took my husband away is still speechless today.
“Our country has grown a lot, and when you went to work, the baby who always cried and cried and asked me to come with you, has now grown to the point where she lives alone in Seoul. She is two spans taller than you and has grown a lot. Now, even though I want to carry her on my back, “The baby I couldn’t carry even if I wanted to. The baby who always seemed like he would fit in the swaddle has grown a lot.”
No one answers, but it feels as if he is listening from the sea.
“You must have been very worried. I wondered how Gook and I would survive if we were left alone. But the child didn’t even use my strength at all.”
I say hello to the rolling waves. The life he lived as he moved from room to room at the inn and held his son in a private room was not that difficult.
“So you don’t have to worry about us anymore.”
At that moment, the waves ripple greatly. As if to send it out to sea and beyond the horizon like a wave that no longer cares. Looking at that scene, I try my best to smile amidst the longing that overflows. And then brag to your husband.
“We grew up well.”
* * *
Is this what it means to be filled with happiness that cannot be hidden? Like the presidential campaign that was confident of victory in the pre-exit polls, Songwon Entertainment is receiving a lot of cheers.
Since the Best Supporting Actor Award had already been chosen for the same work, I was thinking that the Best Actor Award had passed away. However, a 19-year-old young actor broke that unwritten rule.
“CEO, are you so shocked that you fainted while standing up? Please say something. Now, England has won the Best Actor award!”
“Chief Kim, I’m not dreaming right now, am I?”
“If you don’t believe me, try pinching my cheek. I just pinched myself and it hurt. Haha, but this is the first time I’ve ever felt pain so pleasantly. I’m the youngest. Among the winners of the Best Actor Award in the history of the Blue Dragon Film Festival, I’m the youngest ever!”
her.
CEO Kim Seong-hwan is still rubbing his eyes with his sleeve and looking at the cathode ray tube. The Best Actor winner holding the golden trophy is his own actor, Jang Young-guk. Let’s look at England’s red eyes and wide smile. Only then, like a sponge absorbing water, do the emotions welling up deep in my heart rise up to the tip of my chin in an instant.
“CEO, are you crying now?”
Like a child shedding tears, tears like chicken droppings flow endlessly from the corners of CEO Kim Seong-hwan’s wrinkled eyes. As a person before being the CEO of the agency, I felt sorry for Young-Kuk.
Even when I didn’t win the SBC Drama Awards, I blamed myself because it was the fault of a weak and powerless representative. He wondered if his greed had tied a chain to the feet of an actor with infinite potential.
“Where are you going, CEO?”
As CEO Kim Seong-hwan stands up from his seat, Director Kim asks curiously. Then, CEO Kim Seong-hwan wipes away chicken-like tears and explains more.
“My actor won an award, so as a representative, how can I just sit still? I’m going to have a dinner party after the awards ceremony, so I have to go and open my wallet!”
That time.
The Blue Dragon Film Awards ceremony has come to an end and we are heading to the after-party. Today, England said hello to many actors as well as Chungmuro officials. I can’t tell you how many congratulatory messages I received and business cards I received.
When I was working in small roles in my past life, I thought award ceremonies were a story from another world. That’s why, as the end of the year approaches, I accelerate my work even more.
Since he couldn’t make a living off of small-time appearances, he drove a coach and didn’t mind being a designated driver at late hours of the night. As I listened to the results of the year-end awards ceremony on the radio, I thought that I too would be able to stand there someday.
‘Maybe it’s a dream.’
A gorgeous night view seeps into the car window. It was an ambitious vision, but Seoul roads are still complex. However, the smile on the face of manager Lee Bong-chun, who was behind the wheel, never seemed to leave.
“England, have you contacted your mother?”
“I tried calling you at home, but you didn’t answer. I think they’re all at the merchant association building with the merchants. I’ll try to call you again later.”
“Yes, I feel so good, but your mother must feel like she’s flying. Congratulations, England!”
As manager Lee Bong-chun said, what I want to hear most right now is my mother’s voice. In his last life, when he made a name for himself with his licorice acting and won an award at the year-end awards ceremony, he didn’t even mention his mother. But it was different now.
The past that was pushed aside in the name of poverty has now become a badge of honor. I wanted to tell everyone, like an acceptance speech. What made me who I am today is none other than my mother’s wrinkled hands.
‘Is this really what I received?’
But I still feel awkward holding the golden trophy in my hand. This is the Best Actor award that he never received in his past life. I even bit my inner cheek slightly to see if I was dreaming. I felt bitter pain, but I also felt sweetness.
Eventually, the vehicle arrives at the after-party location. The Confession of a Priest staff and actors are all out, as if the entire meat restaurant has been rented out. As you open the door and enter, you are greeted by the smell of golden brown meat and loud cheers as if this is all reality and not a dream.
“Our youngest Best Actor Award has arrived!”