I Will Live As An Actor - Chapter 2

I Will Live as an Actor Episode 2

“Son, eat a lot.”

A sea-colored sheen flowed over the golden-brown grilled mackerel. The mother carefully peeled off the thorns and placed the thick chunk of flesh on her son’s rice bowl. There were no wrinkles to be found on my mother’s face. It was the image of a young woman who had lost her husband at a young age and, as a widow, had opened a fish stall in Namhang Market alone.

It was too unfortunate to say that it was just a flash of light that passed by before I died. So much so that I want to keep this moment forever. Isn’t this a mother who devoted her entire life to herself? The young mother’s appearance was more beautiful and noble than any other actress.

“Is your son crying?”

The mother looked at her son with a worried expression. I barely swallowed the sobs that rose up to my uvula and shook my head. What a fool. He was said to have been an unfilial son during his lifetime, and even his mother in the dark would have been worried. I stubbornly lifted my spoon and barely managed to shove the mackerel meat and white rice that my mother had prepared into my mouth.

But what?

Mew mul mul.

As the umami on the tip of my tongue and the satiety of white rice went down my throat, I felt a taste too vivid to be considered a hallucination. I’m sure it’s just a fleeting flash of light, but it’s so delicious. It felt like I was encountering my mother’s dinner table once again. It was then.

uh?

Only then did the scenery in the room gradually begin to come into view. The wallpaper of the single room, which seemed to be filled with two people lying down, was old and worn, mold had grown here and there, and the room was overflowing with dirt. Didn’t you also remove the light bulb hanging from the ceiling to save on electricity bills? It was clearly a single-room apartment in Yeongdo, where I had lived with my mother since I was in middle school. It was as if it had been copied from that era without exception. Even more so.

“mother?”

The mother’s face was overflowing with liveliness as she looked at her child lovingly. As if you could touch it if you just stretched out your hand a little. When I mustered up the courage to extend my hand, I could vividly feel my mother’s skin that had not yet been scorched by the sun. On the other hand, my mother’s eyes were wider than ever. Anyway, you may be wondering what’s going on when your usually grumpy son starts crying and caresses his face while eating.

* * *

I’m back.

I didn’t know what was going on.

He had clearly decided to commit suicide by hanging himself.

When I opened my eyes, I never thought I would be back in my childhood when I was fourteen.

Was the past life just a nightmare?

Or is it a joke from God?

Either way was fine. To the point where I feel like it’s a blessing from God to be able to feel this moment once again.

“England, let’s play soccer after school!”

An unknown friend sitting next to me in class spoke to me as if he was familiar. It’s a rural town without even a decent arcade. A time when getting together after school to play soccer was considered a promise.

“I won’t play soccer starting today.”

“What?”

“I’m going to study.”

My friend looked at me with an expression that made me wonder if I was just forgetting to wash away a ghost. But I walked out of class, leaving my dumbfounded friend behind.

The playground seemed infinitely spacious when I was young. It was the place where I played soccer with my friends every time I finished school. A place that was in faded memories. It is a familiar but unfamiliar space. I doubted it several times. I wonder if all of this is a dream or a fantasy in the moment of hanging.

However, the lively people and the scent of the sea tickling the tip of my nose were not lies. After a few days passed, it seemed like the anxious feelings were floating away like the ebb and flow. Memories of losing my mother. Even the past days of wandering.

“Are you giving me one more chance?”

I raised my head and asked towards the clear, spotless sky. As expected, I couldn’t hear God’s answer, but I felt that silence was positive. Haven’t you already lived a life of failure once? Haven’t you keenly felt how cold and harsh society is? I didn’t want to regret any more. I will definitely not miss this opportunity given once again. My fists were clenched and my steps were lighter than ever.

At that moment, an unknown bird flying across the sky took a sharp turn as if responding to my pledge.

* * *

The cries of seagulls. At the dock, ships were berthing and berthing. Namhang Market, adjacent to the dock, was tangled like a maze like any other traditional market. It is full of the strong accents of Busan women and the scent of the sea. Fish that seemed to have jumped right out of the water were trapped in a red basin, splashing their tails.

“mother!”

My mother, who runs a fish stall at Namhang Market, got up from her seat with wide eyes.

“Son, how did you get here?”

“I want to help you with your work.”

“What?”

The mother’s eyes showed a sense of surprise. After all, this was a son who had never visited Namhang Market before. Wasn’t he the son who was embarrassed to set up a stall and sell fish at the market? My mother even rubbed her eyes with her sleeve, wondering if she was dreaming.

“Let’s see, are the fish okay?”

England looked at the condition of the fish on the stall with a familiar gaze. It was full of blue mackerel and light green horse mackerel. The items in good condition were leftover fish that had already been sold at live fish markets. The items my mother brought from the direct sales store after waking up early in the morning.

“Mom, let me change the position of the fish.”

“uh?”

In the past, when I lived as a minor actor, I did not make a living solely through acting. I had to find another job just to make ends meet. Didn’t they say that learning is stealing? I tried driving and doing manual labor, but what suited me best was selling fish, which I had learned from watching since I was young. There was a lot of fish sold between the market and the mart.

“How about mackerel and mackerel?”

My mother did not yet have any business skills. It was safe to say that she was the youngest among the Busan ladies located among the long rows of fish stalls. Buried by the harsh accents of the Busan ladies, my mother’s solicitation did not attract a single customer. As proof, the only things on my mother’s fish stall were flying flies, not the eyes of customers.

“after.”

I exhaled loudly as if I was taking a deep breath and tightened my lower abdomen. The most important thing in business is vocalization and pronunciation. Moreover, isn’t she a young 14-year-old? I needed to breathe more deeply than when acting. Eventually, the mouth opened as if a trigger was being pulled.

“Come on! There’s mackerel that’s very cheap and delicious! There’s also horse mackerel and mackerel, so stop by and take a look!”

My mother was startled by the sound of my voice coming out like a cannonball and opened her eyes wide. It didn’t end there. Gestures were also needed to win over the Busan ladies who had been around for a long time at Namhang Market.

“Sister—! How about mackerel for dinner tonight? Take a look and say, “Mackerel is very good for my boyfriend!”

A middle-aged woman passing by opened her eyes wide in surprise and fixed her gaze with a curious face. It’s half a success. I didn’t miss the moment and added a little more strength to my voice.

“Even my husband who left home smelled it and came back with a spring mackerel!”

“Oh my. Look at him. How old is he? He’s so cool.”

“Don’t just pass by, come here and see me! I’ll give you a great service!”

Passing by tourists and ladies began to approach the fish stall one by one. As he took advantage of this momentum and started soliciting customers more actively, people passing by even stopped to think that he had made a spectacle of himself.

“Oh, my sister is so beautiful that I added a few more horse mackerels. If my boss finds out about this, I’ll get scolded. It’s a secret, a secret!”

Now, even the Busan ladies who were selling fish around me stopped their pushy behavior and even looked at me in amazement. Is it thanks to that? The mackerel, horse mackerel, and mackerel that had been hanging out on the fish stall were all gone in an instant.

My mother was able to clean up the fish stall earlier in the evening than usual. Despite my mother’s dissuasion, I organized the fish stall together and even helped organize the stalls of the ladies around me. Perhaps it was because of that that he seemed to have become a celebrity in Namhang Market in just one day. The man at the fruit store even brought me some leftover strawberries, saying they were special.

“You don’t have to help my son like this….”

The mother seemed both pleased and sorry that her son was selling fish with his fern hands. On the way home, my mother’s eyes were filled with a mixture of many emotions.

“It’s okay, I’m doing it because I like it.”

“Son, would you like to eat his favorite pork belly for dinner tonight?”

“Mom, I like mackerel the best. Please have mackerel for dinner.”

I wanted to cook dinner myself, but I couldn’t put it into action. Because I know that feeding your son well is a mother’s small happiness. After finishing a happy dinner in a single room that seemed to be filled with two people lying down, I spread out the tutorial on a small table.

“Is your son studying?”

My mother’s eyes widened and she looked at me. Isn’t it very different from usual? The mother seemed at a loss as to how her son suddenly seemed to have grown up. I was planning to study by reading at night. My mother’s eyes became red, as if she was remembering the past years. How difficult must it have been for her as a young woman to lose her husband and raise her son alone? A single room that I finally found while looking around at inns. I ran a fish stall at Namhang Market, but the income was poor. But today, with the help of my son, I was able to sell all the fish for the first time. I held my mother’s hand without saying a word. And I didn’t forget to hug my mother.

I promised myself again and again while looking at my mother’s red eyes.

I will live a life with no regrets ever again.