I Will Live As An Actor - Chapter 24

I will live as an actor Episode 24

Independence.

The meaning of the word ‘independence’ in the movie version is quite significant. Perhaps the concern and goal of most directors is whether they can project the script’s values into the film and, if possible, how well they will be conveyed to the audience without losing meaning. Unlike commercial films that aim to generate profit, independent films have the advantage of being relatively less damaged in terms of artistry because they focus more on the original purpose of the film.

Because it faces the audience with just one layer removed, it is relatively easy to convey the identity of the film. However, not always good things are said about independent films. There was also a widespread perception that they were just artists suffering from art disease or that they were just videos made by beginners.

“Sir, shouldn’t the lighting angle be raised a little? If the main light source is so low, your face won’t be reflected properly on the screen… Is there anything else you can use as an auxiliary feature? There’s something about the fluorescent light. In this scene, it’s a little bit difficult. “I think it would be better to go weak.”

“If you’re talking about going soft instead of hard, you mean Kinoflow (fluorescent lamp), right?”

“that’s right!”

The filming crew of a commercial film is excellent at detail. Not only is there a director for each part, from production, directing, shooting, lighting, sound, and art, but if you count the number of second and third assistant staff who will form the central axis, as well as the number of team members in charge of correction, post-view, and editing, the number of people is enormous. It was impossible to do. In contrast, independent films.

“If this continues, the boom will come into the frame! If this happens, all the noise will be eaten, but will that TASS (simultaneous recording machine) work properly? Please lift it a little more!”

There is an absurd shortage of manpower. Of course, there are experienced staff members with extensive experience in independent films, but nine out of ten are recent college graduates or film-related undergraduate students. Since there is a lack of field experience, there are more than one or two things to take care of.

“England! What angle would you like for the props?”

“Shouldn’t we ask Taeseop hyung about that?”

“Brother, I’m so busy extending my on-site time right now that I don’t have the time to worry about this. Instead, England should take care of you!”

It wasn’t like this from day one. But as I was just looking at it, I was itching so much that I couldn’t stand it. When it comes to food, it’s like sprinkling sugar on something that should be seasoned with soy sauce. How can you pretend not to know this? At first, it was just a matter of offering a few words of help to get to this point.

‘Before filming the movie, I opened a book and studied a bit. This is a phrase that directors often use, but you have to be able to understand it. In addition to my job, I also study video materials.’

Now that I’ve said this, I won’t be persistent in asking anymore. Perhaps due to their lack of field experience, some of them passed over the job, but for them, the fact that they had one less hand was more important. Moreover, with a hand with such field experience, there is no reason to refuse. Just then, screenwriter and director Choi Tae-seop rushed to the filming site in a huff.

“30 minutes! We have to finish within this!”

* * *

1-1 (one take, one shot) This is a phrase often used in independent films. In order to save film costs, there were many cases where we went without NG at once. Normally, we rehearse frequently to prepare for possible NGs, but even that is often difficult. It was because of a casting problem at the filming site.

“Scene number 21 Ji-hwan at the police box—!”

There is no scripter or assistant director to be found. The person in charge of the props immediately runs out holding a clapperboard, shouts, and leaves the screen. Director Choi Tae-seop moved his stance forward slightly. I have already seen on TV how excellent the boy’s acting sense is. However, there was something about the liveliness felt at the scene that a cathode ray tube could not capture.

“Hey, what are you doing? You’re doing a good job and you’re keeping your mouth shut! Why don’t you tell me your name right now? Ugh?! Why are you so stubborn? Get your bag here! What did you steal?”

A minor character dressed as a police officer shouts loudly. There are many unnecessary parts to the acting, but since he is from Busan, his dialect is excellent. It was then. The boy sitting across from me had a sparkling look in his eyes and held the bag tightly in his arms as if he wouldn’t let it get taken away. Scratches, big and small, remain like scars on his face.

“Don’t touch me!”

“What? I didn’t know that this rat-sized bastard was the scariest of the world! How many times have you made a fuss in the sea off my coast? Why are you going up on the rocky shore that has been blocked by people like that? Cano! Anyway, it’s because of delinquents like you that this is happening.” “Society is rotting!”

Despite the police officer’s warnings, the shine in the boy’s eyes did not subside at all.

“That’s it! If you don’t give me your guardian’s phone number, I’ll leave you in the detention center for a few days! I don’t want to get locked up, so just keep your mouth shut and stay still like now.”

“….”

“You’re a guy who can’t be harmed by words! What is this?! I was wearing it around my neck earlier, but where did you steal it from? Come on!”

“Is it okay for the police to do this?”

“Jjasyu! You don’t tell me what to do, you just say stupid things.”

The police officer slams his fist into the boy’s hard head. When I lifted the necklace, I saw the boy’s name and the orphanage’s phone number written on it. Like a dog tag.

“Kim Ji-hwan. Is this your name? XX Orphanage? The area code is Boy Soul? It’s obvious even if you don’t look at this kid! He ran away from the orphanage and came all the way! He’s got red hair and no blood! Tsk.”

“Hey, Police Officer Choi, stop bugging me and give it to me.”

At that time, another police officer (Song Jeong-seok) recited the line. The actor was personally recruited by Cha Boy, who had difficulty casting actors. Perhaps because he has been involved in theater for many years, the acting was as natural as water.

“Kid, your name is Kim Ji-hwan, right?”

“….”

“If you don’t tell me, there’s no way for you to help me. I think you stayed at an orphanage in Seoul, but have you come down so far? Do you feel warm alone or with someone? I’ll take care of it. “Don’t worry, just talk.”

The more this happens, the more the boy closes his mouth. It is a silent rebellion containing the will not to speak. The police officer eventually sighed and picked up the receiver. It was late, but the call was connected after only a few beeps on the receiver.

“Thank you for your hard work. I’m at the Yeongdo police station in Busan. I’d like to ask you something. Is there a child named Kim Ji-hwan at the orphanage? He must be around 14 to 6 years old. Yes…?!!!!”

At that moment, the police officer’s eyes widen to the size of a flower lantern. Eventually, the police officer puts down the receiver and looks at the boy with strange eyes.

“What are you…?”

I heard Kim Ji-hwan died last year.

* * *

School, then and now, is a place that evokes strange emotions. In the past, I skipped school a lot because I didn’t want to go to school, but now I just cherish each day that passes by without me realizing it. Just then, the bell rings, signaling lunch time, and students rush to take out their lunch boxes. There is a lunch box on the desk with stains from my hands.

The stewed saury and lotus root side dishes that I hated so much in my past life. I soaked the rice grains in the saury broth and pushed them into my mouth along with the lotus root. A feeling of fullness flowing along the tip of the tongue. Why did I complain about the side dishes so much back then?

It was while I was eating lunch. I felt glances around me. As the fact that I was a public relations ambassador for Yeongdo-gu became known, some female students seemed to look at me like I was a celebrity. Just like now.

“England, would you like to drink this?”

The female student puts down the coffee milk with a shy smile. It’s an annual event that usually happens every lunch hour. From chocolate to coffee and milk, there is no particular reason. This was due to the setting that Kim Ha-jin, who became a young man in the currently airing ‘August Man’, likes coffee and milk. No matter how I look at it, there’s a long distance between that handsome man and me…

“Thank you.”

At one word, the female student smiles brightly and returns to her seat. Other female students flocked around her like a flock of sparrows. They stamp their feet among themselves. By the way,

“It’s 15 days…”

The filming period for independent films is quite short. Not only is the running time short, but the production environment is poor to capture a grand narrative. As short as two weeks to as long as a month or so. Of course, there were many cases in which production costs were insufficient during this process. However, Choi Tae-seop’s screenplay ‘To Ji-hwan’ was different.

Starting with relatively well-equipped filming equipment, the staff is still not very small for an independent film. Anyway, since I don’t have simultaneous recording equipment, I use a camcorder to take pictures, so this is acceptable. This probably means that Choi Tae-seop has been preparing for quite some time.

“To Jihwan.”

It’s a story about friendship. I read the script several times, but I still didn’t fully understand the feelings of the main character (Seongtae) who wanted to be called (Jihwan). What does it feel like to live in the name of a dead friend? What do you think every time that name is called? It’s still difficult. I pondered for a while and thought deeply about what a friend is.

‘does not exist.’

I’m not sure if there was anyone I could call a friend in my past life. When I made a name for myself as an actor, there were people who approached me for money, but there was no one I could confide in. I don’t mean to blame those people. Of course, there were seniors who helped me out, but I didn’t understand their sincerity. At the time, I was just a crazy person who decided to see the end of acting. Because he was that selfish. It was then.

“England, it’s lunch time. Don’t you want to kick it?”

“uh?”

Friends wearing sweaty sweatshirts approached me holding an old soccer ball. Yes, back in those days, we played a lot of soccer every lunch hour. Even at that time, I liked hanging out with my friends. It was nice just to roll around in the dust without any consideration.

“Okay, let’s kick it!”

“Jang Young-guk! Come to the grade director’s office!”

At that moment, homeroom teacher Kim Bong-du entered the classroom. The disappointment is clearly visible on the faces of my classmates. I couldn’t help but say,

‘Let’s kick it in a bit.’

When you say this, only then does the color become brighter. Is it possible to be that happy just by kicking a ball together? When we arrived at the grade manager’s office, Kim Bong-du offered us a chair.

“What are you doing, sit down?”

Kim Bong-du seemed to tap the hand rest of the chair with his fingertip and then looked across.

“Normally, I couldn’t do it, but this time, the principal specifically gave me permission.”

“Really?”

“Yes, man. Crucially, it was important for England to appoint you as a public relations ambassador for Yeongdo-gu. If it wasn’t for that, you wouldn’t have received such privileges for filming an independent film, let alone a terrestrial drama. Still, you can’t miss all classes. You only take morning classes every day. “Let’s go shoot. You said the filming period would be 15 days, right?”

“yes.”

Kim Bong-du wiped the bridge of his nose and elaborated.

“By the way, if we film this time, where will the independent film be shown?”

“There is a small theater in Seoul that only screens independent films. They will probably be screened there.”

“What? So I can’t even see it? Is it on video?”

“Well, is there really that much demand for it? Usually, only people who like independent films go and watch them.”

“But you’re filming a movie? Did the director win the lottery? Or did the money just gush out of nowhere like tap water when you turn on the faucet?”

“That’s how passionate he is.”

“I don’t know what passion is. Just go ahead and do it. And don’t neglect your studies just because you’re doing a movie. Studying is more important at your age. If you get poor grades on this final exam, you’d better be prepared.”

“Don’t worry, you’ll be first.”

“I won’t take a single word from you.”

Kim Bong-du hid his inner regret. Didn’t you say that you are a big fan? Expectations must have been high for filming a movie.

“What are you doing if you’re not going?”

“Teacher, can I ask you one thing?”

“what?”

What is a friend?

When you work as an actor, there are bound to be some areas where you get stuck. The audience will also accept him if he understands the experiences of others that he has not experienced himself. The feeling of friendship was like an ocean to me. I can’t even chase after it because I can’t get my bearings. I asked, feeling like I was grasping at straws. It was then.

“Friend…”

I don’t know if he answered because he knew it was a question about a movie, or if he just wanted to explain his personal feelings.

“Teacher, there was a friend you were close with when you were young. It was when England was your age. He transferred to Seoul and you stayed in your hometown. After that, we didn’t contact you for over a dozen years. But it must have been a few years ago when I heard some bad news. At that time, I went to the funeral home in Seoul to ask about it. When I looked at the picture of the portrait, I felt frustrated. What I remember was a friend from when I was 14. I wondered how this guy had lived all this time. It was only then that I regretted it. I should have contacted him a long time ago. “You’re friends, but what are you guys…?”

The raven-haired friends stick their heads out through the gap in the diagonally opened door of the grade manager’s office. Their lips suddenly stick out as if they had made a promise.

“Sir, England decided to join us for a kick ass! Ikada is running out of time!”

“Can’t we even play soccer without England?”

“If the striker is missing, we will lose. I made a bet with my son in 7th grade today. If England is missing, we will lose!”

“Okay, Jang Young-guk, just leave.”

Kim Bong-du sent the students away and stood up. On the playground outside the window, black-haired students are mingling together, kicking old soccer balls. Even the normally gentle boy is drinking dust right now with a smile on his face. Yes, like opening an old diary, a faint memory that is remembered only after decades have passed. That is what a friend is.

“It’s about not forgetting.”